To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five - The Inappropriate Bachelors, #1

To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five, I'm glad you're happy to have moved into a new apartment, but no:I do not want to have a beer with you. I do not want to have a nude sleepover. I do not want to make you breakfast, lunch or dinner, no matter how many lap dances you promise to give me. I do not need you to serenade me through the walls at 1am. And no, I have no interest in letting you take me on a date.
Sincerely, Magnolia AllenP. S. And no, I do not want to know how many accents you can growl in duringintimate moments. How is that even a thing?P. P. S. Also, you will never finding me standing naked in your living room everagain, so please stop leaving lingerie packages on my welcome mat.