The Perils of Gerald

Gerald, a cowering concupiscent and pustular tour guide, afflicted with avoirdupois issues of planet-tilting proportions, and a tragic speed imperilment falls, tumbles, nay, avalanches into disproportionate and dizzy infatuation with Angharad, a friable librarian whose uncestry embraces a rag, a bone, a hank of hair, a ball of string, a palate of cleft, and a brain of blancmange. Their unbrindled pensions set the pages of this incontinent novena aflame with fescinnine fury and flames.