Kylie Bray - Love Hate and Billions, #1

How could life tumble in turfs that are unravelling to the human mind , how could I succumb to this latitude of proportions that take me to this darkness. It's breaking me. I keep believing that the world is whole , that my mind isn't. Its like my soul is pushing me to the place I can't see, but my heart is taking me somewhere else , to a place where I can't fathom, how do I see it happening when my very existence is slipping from my fingers, when I look in the mirror I barely recognise myself.
I am just empty, dying. I feel there are days where I want to end it, end this treachery of these unknown parts, I am scared. Oh god help me. This weight is beating me down, taking me in. I breathe every second, telling myself I am human, I should feel something , but I can't because every time I think, everytime I even consider it he goes and takes more lives, he says I am his muse , yet all I see in the mirror all I feel is a monster, a killer.
He kills them in my name, he takes their lives because they took me. He makes me watch, he forces me to accept it. I know it's wrong, I know I should stop him, but when he touches me something awakens in me that I can't feel unless I am with him. They say to be strong is to face your weakness, but how do I face him when he is also my strength.